My wife and I were the first couple in my family to fulfill our obligation to marry in the Catholic Church in over a decade. And we didn't actually marry, we just con-validated our marriage. The last couple to do that were my parents. And before them it was my grandmother about two decades ago. My cousin did so as we'll, but she didn't publicize it or at least, it went by without my knowing about it.
It's not that my family doesn't believe in marriage; we have been getting civilly married forever. It's just that we don't ever do it in the church. I'm not sure where the tradition started, but it is one that had been established well before I existed...or at least, before I was born. And being that my wife and I were the first couple to do so for so long, means that we were bucking a well established, though thoroughly flawed, trend of civil marriages at the expense of sacramental ones.
Maybe my family doesn't understand the meaning of marriage as a sacrament. Maybe it doesn't understand the church's stance. Either way, we have been living incorrectly and it has literally been killing us and the next generation. And that is the problem.
As this latest batch of Catholics comes off the conveyor belt and begin their lives as adults who get married and start families, the inevitable question arises. What happens if these family members don't get married in the Church? Given my family's history, this wouldn't be against the norm. And as it would be normal, it is actually very probable.
So what are we to do? I have taken a hard line that has caused some conflict. I have been very upfront with my family and let them know that if any Catholic does not fulfill their obligation, neither myself nor my family will be attending the event. This sounds very harsh, but this is one principle that I feel compelled to hold onto.
In the Catechism of the Catholic Church, beginning in paragraph 1621, the church is very clear about how marriage is supposed to be administered. And as I believe that the church has heavenly authority, I want to be sure to follow its guidelines. It's not that I don't love my family or that I don't want to celebrate with them. Instead, I want to honor our heavenly mandates to make sure that everybody fulfills their obligations. Additionally, I want to keep my family from walking right into mortal sin, thinking that they are doing the right thing. Lastly, I want my family, who are more Catholic in name than in practice to understand what is right.
I do understand that my actions and attitude might hurt people's feelings. I understand that I should be there to celebrate that special day with my family. I understand that I haven't done everything correctly and that I have committed grave sins and been accepted by my family. I understand that we might be the only four people missing from the ceremony.
I don't expect my family to understand my position wholeheartedly or even to accept it. I know that they are acting from a position of being wronged and won't be able to accept my decision. But at the end of the day, If I am vocal enough, they will know what the church teaches as truth and have to face it. I love my family enough to sacrifice the possibility of attending a wedding if it will keep even one member from committing mortal sin. And hopefully, if I make my stance clear, it could possibly mean somebody coming back home to the faith.
It's not that my family doesn't believe in marriage; we have been getting civilly married forever. It's just that we don't ever do it in the church. I'm not sure where the tradition started, but it is one that had been established well before I existed...or at least, before I was born. And being that my wife and I were the first couple to do so for so long, means that we were bucking a well established, though thoroughly flawed, trend of civil marriages at the expense of sacramental ones.
Maybe my family doesn't understand the meaning of marriage as a sacrament. Maybe it doesn't understand the church's stance. Either way, we have been living incorrectly and it has literally been killing us and the next generation. And that is the problem.
As this latest batch of Catholics comes off the conveyor belt and begin their lives as adults who get married and start families, the inevitable question arises. What happens if these family members don't get married in the Church? Given my family's history, this wouldn't be against the norm. And as it would be normal, it is actually very probable.
So what are we to do? I have taken a hard line that has caused some conflict. I have been very upfront with my family and let them know that if any Catholic does not fulfill their obligation, neither myself nor my family will be attending the event. This sounds very harsh, but this is one principle that I feel compelled to hold onto.
In the Catechism of the Catholic Church, beginning in paragraph 1621, the church is very clear about how marriage is supposed to be administered. And as I believe that the church has heavenly authority, I want to be sure to follow its guidelines. It's not that I don't love my family or that I don't want to celebrate with them. Instead, I want to honor our heavenly mandates to make sure that everybody fulfills their obligations. Additionally, I want to keep my family from walking right into mortal sin, thinking that they are doing the right thing. Lastly, I want my family, who are more Catholic in name than in practice to understand what is right.
I do understand that my actions and attitude might hurt people's feelings. I understand that I should be there to celebrate that special day with my family. I understand that I haven't done everything correctly and that I have committed grave sins and been accepted by my family. I understand that we might be the only four people missing from the ceremony.
I don't expect my family to understand my position wholeheartedly or even to accept it. I know that they are acting from a position of being wronged and won't be able to accept my decision. But at the end of the day, If I am vocal enough, they will know what the church teaches as truth and have to face it. I love my family enough to sacrifice the possibility of attending a wedding if it will keep even one member from committing mortal sin. And hopefully, if I make my stance clear, it could possibly mean somebody coming back home to the faith.