The days after my son was born started an onslaught of talk about baptism. My family, was especially keen on my wife and I baptizing our son as soon as possible. My wife and I, however, were very much against it. (Actually, I was against it, but she supported my decision because she wanted to do it, only out of habit). We had both been raised Catholic, but we were both very much non-practicing at the time. And it was because I had been raised Catholic and strayed from my religion that I had promised myself that my children would not grow up with the same mindless Catholicism that I had been raised with. I would make valid points; that I wasn't planning on raising my children Catholic as the reason against baptism, but it fell on deaf ears. What it came down to, was that my family wanted what was best for us, but their reasons for baptism fell on deaf ears as well. And here's why: I assumed that my family's faith was mindless.
It is peculiar, that having lived so long with my family, I completely misinterpreted their faith. Their faith was unwavering. Their faith was without objection. Their faith was obedient. But their faith was not intellectual, that is, it didn't require them to understand all of the facets of Catholicism in order to believe it. What is so miraculous about my family, though, is how easily they accept the teachings of the Church. I, on the other hand, had an understandably hard time with this concept. I don't remember when my first doubts of Jesus' Church came, but they did. And while I sought specific answers (probably not often enough and probably not vocally enough) all I got was responsibility. I was trying in earnest the understand the many details while they stood, looking at the whole picture. I got lost in minutia, while they took in the grandeur of the entirety. And while I cannot, and do not, blame my family for not providing me with enough support in the details, I am distraught at the time I lost with my Lord in his Church. You see, had I been more tenacious and more resilient in my quest for truth, there were people who could have offered me what I wanted. But I didn't; and I don't know that my family had the wherewithal to support me in the manner that I needed.
What I truly admire about my family is how willing they are to turn to the Church. These people are not saints. They are not apologists. There are not doctors of the Church. But they are solid Catholics. They did provide me with a strong foundation from which to base my religion. I learned enough fundamentals in my time with them, that I could hold my own against most any non-Catholic from the time I went out on my own. And I know that my family is in the same boat.
What I promised my immediate family was right. I didn't want our faith to be mindless. But what I really meant was that I didn't want our faith to be anti intellectual. Because, my family's faith was mindless. But that doesn't mean that it was without thought, logic, or reason. As an agnostic former Catholic, at the time my son was born, I failed to see that. I failed to realize that faith isn't the suspension of logic. It is trust, in spite of it. I assumed (and I think most non-faithful do as well) that believing requires that we shut our brain off and do whatever we are told to. At least, that is what it looked like. But that couldn't be further from the truth. My family's faith was mindless in the sense that it wasn't something they had to think about. It was almost automatic, like breathing. That is to say, that they were Catholic, just like they breathed air. They had already surrendered to God. They had already given up their trust to the Church.
In my religious pursuits, that is something that I still long for. I hope that one day, I can stop worrying about the small details and give up my trust fully to the Lord. I hope that eventually, my faith can become mindless...that is, automatic. Something that I don't have to think about. Until then, though, I will enjoy spending time getting lost in the minutia of all that the Catholic Church has to offer.
It is peculiar, that having lived so long with my family, I completely misinterpreted their faith. Their faith was unwavering. Their faith was without objection. Their faith was obedient. But their faith was not intellectual, that is, it didn't require them to understand all of the facets of Catholicism in order to believe it. What is so miraculous about my family, though, is how easily they accept the teachings of the Church. I, on the other hand, had an understandably hard time with this concept. I don't remember when my first doubts of Jesus' Church came, but they did. And while I sought specific answers (probably not often enough and probably not vocally enough) all I got was responsibility. I was trying in earnest the understand the many details while they stood, looking at the whole picture. I got lost in minutia, while they took in the grandeur of the entirety. And while I cannot, and do not, blame my family for not providing me with enough support in the details, I am distraught at the time I lost with my Lord in his Church. You see, had I been more tenacious and more resilient in my quest for truth, there were people who could have offered me what I wanted. But I didn't; and I don't know that my family had the wherewithal to support me in the manner that I needed.
What I truly admire about my family is how willing they are to turn to the Church. These people are not saints. They are not apologists. There are not doctors of the Church. But they are solid Catholics. They did provide me with a strong foundation from which to base my religion. I learned enough fundamentals in my time with them, that I could hold my own against most any non-Catholic from the time I went out on my own. And I know that my family is in the same boat.
What I promised my immediate family was right. I didn't want our faith to be mindless. But what I really meant was that I didn't want our faith to be anti intellectual. Because, my family's faith was mindless. But that doesn't mean that it was without thought, logic, or reason. As an agnostic former Catholic, at the time my son was born, I failed to see that. I failed to realize that faith isn't the suspension of logic. It is trust, in spite of it. I assumed (and I think most non-faithful do as well) that believing requires that we shut our brain off and do whatever we are told to. At least, that is what it looked like. But that couldn't be further from the truth. My family's faith was mindless in the sense that it wasn't something they had to think about. It was almost automatic, like breathing. That is to say, that they were Catholic, just like they breathed air. They had already surrendered to God. They had already given up their trust to the Church.
In my religious pursuits, that is something that I still long for. I hope that one day, I can stop worrying about the small details and give up my trust fully to the Lord. I hope that eventually, my faith can become mindless...that is, automatic. Something that I don't have to think about. Until then, though, I will enjoy spending time getting lost in the minutia of all that the Catholic Church has to offer.